Different Personalities for Happiness or Unhappiness

Different Personalities for Happiness or Unhappiness

“The ‘self-image’ is the key to human personality and human behavior. Change the self image and you change the personality and the behavior.” Maxwell Maltz

Your “thinking” mind is responsible for creating not only your so-called “realities” based on your perceptions of your life experiences, but also your personality, which also plays a pivotal role in your living in a world of depression.

It is your human nature to identify yourself with your thoughts created by your thinking mind. This identity begins to relate to more thoughts, both past and present, as well as their projections into the future as desires and expectations. These accumulative thoughts begin to take shape and form your ego-self. which all of us have, because it is the identity that separates and distinguishes us from others.

Your ego-self, which is formed by your thoughts, often become your attachments. Too many attachments to your ego-self may become problematic, leading to depression.

The Unhappy Personality

There are those who are forever unhappy due to an unhappy childhood, an unfulfilled adult life, and many unhappy life experiences throughout their life journey. They have made indelible imprints on their minds, making them see only the problems, instead of the potentials ahead of them. They do not want to live, but they just do not die. Not wanting or knowing how to purposely end their lives, they just drift on, or simply live a reckless life in hope of an early demise.

They have suffered and gone through too much in their lives. They do not know how to cope with their life problems and how to deal with their life challenges. They have despaired and become helpless, and depression is their only escape from the realities they strive to avoid. They are forever the unhappy ones because unhappiness has become their brain chemicals.

The Neither-Happy-Nor-Unhappy Personality

There are those who have always been only spectators, instead of participants, of life; they are forever sitting on the sidelines of life, observing others and never thinking that they could be a part of it. They always believe that life is not worth taking chances because their minds have been filled with many assumptions that they are not competent enough to get involved. Inactivity and passivity play a major role in their lives. They may not like their current situations, but they do not know how and where to start to change them. Even if they have the know-how, they do not want to do it, or unless someone else would do it for them. Life is too much for them; they just stay back and stay put, not taking any chance or exerting any effort, while they try to get by with whatever they have. They never see the need to take the initiative to create a better life for themselves.

If they just do not die, they just carry on with their lives with different episodes of high and low, always wondering why they do not have what they wish they had, or why others are always having what they are not having.

The To-Be-Happy Personality

There are those who are always in quest of happiness. They have the problematic mindset of “better” and “more” in their endless quest for careers, relationships, and material comforts that have become the sole objectives of their personal happiness. Their to-be-happiness just keeps them always wanting “better” and “more” in order to feel happy or happier.

The Happy Personality

There are those who have the wisdom to understand that true happiness requires both action and effort, that happiness is only a moment-to-moment feeling, and that happiness never lasts.

Indeed, happiness is feeling good about oneself, and it requires one to take some actions in order to feel good about oneself. It should be pointed out that elated feelings, such as happiness, satisfaction, and fulfillment, are not the natural and normal resting states of the human mind; therefore, one must take a deliberate action in order to achieve and activate those innate mental states. The only explanation is that our ancestors in the Stone Age did not naturally or instinctively feel comfortable, secure, and satisfied with their status quo. They certainly did not pass those genes on to us. They had to fight to survive; by the same token, we all must make a conscious effort to take some actions in order to feel good, happy, and satisfied.

Remember, true human happiness is a process, a way of living, involving some actions to change the consciousness of thinking. It is no more than the ability to experience joy when good things happen; the ability to feel satisfaction when goals are achieved; the ability to cope with problems, the ability to adapt to changes, and the ability to give meaning and purpose to life.

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

Why the Bible Is the Source of Human Wisdom

Why the Bible Is the Source of Human Wisdom

The Bible is the source of human wisdom.

A Book of Divine Wisdom

The Bible is the Word of God. Through the Bible, God speaks to each and every one of us, if we are willing. In other words, the wisdom expressed in the Bible is God’s divine wisdom to man.

The Authenticity of Biblical Truths

According to Guinness Book of Records, the Bible is the all-time best-selling book, as well as the most translated work in world literature. This indicates that many people do believe that the Bible is a book of absolute truths and divine wisdom from God.

The Bible is a book of wisdom based on Biblical truths that require faith to believe in the authenticity of historical manuscripts reporting those events that had already taken place.

“In the fifteenth year of the reign of Tiberius Caesar—when Pontius Pilate was governor of Judea, Herod tetrarch of Galilee, his brother Philip tetrarch of Iturea and Traconitis, and Lysanias tetrarch of Abilene.” (Luke 3: 1)

This Biblical truth is further attested to by human historical time scale: BC (Before Christ) and AD (Anno Domini—“in the year of our Lord”). Jesus Christ is a real historical figure, and His birth is a very solid historical fact reported by many historians.

The Old Testament and the New Testament

The Bible is made up of the Old Testament and the New Testament.

The Old Testament comprises thirty-nine books: the Pentateuch, written by Moses, about how the Israelites came to be the chosen people of God; the historical books, written by numerous authors, about the history of Israel, from its rise in Canaan to its downfall in Babylon; the poetical books about wisdom and worship for the Israelites; and the books of ancient prophets, admonishing and warning the Israelites of destruction through their sinful nature and disobedience to God.

These religious writings of ancient Israel focused on the chronicle history of Israel, the questions of good and evil in the world, the subtle relationships between God and man through worship and regulations, and the Covenant of God with man. In short, the Old Testament is the revelation of God’s wisdom to man.

The New Testament is a collection of writings by eight different writers (the Apostles: Matthew, John, Paul, James, Peter, Jude; the Disciples: Mark, Luke), addressing different early Christian churches. This collection of twenty-seven books, comprising the Gospels, Acts of the Apostles, the Epistles, and the Revelation of John, appeared one after another in the second half of the first century.

The New Testament is explicit about the revelation of God’s wisdom to man through the birth of Jesus, the Son of God, and the Messiah of Israel. God’s wisdom is expressed through Jesus’ teachings, culminating in the Crucifixion, which symbolizes the conquest of human death due to sin, as well as the fulfillment of the Covenant of God with man.

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

Be Grateful for Everything

Be Grateful for Everything

Reconnect your soul or spirit to gratitude. If you are grateful to the Creator for what you have, you may look at the behavior of another individual with more tolerance, or even with a totally different perspective.

Blessings in life, such as the gift of life, are generally overlooked or even taken for granted. For example, if someone takes advantage of you, do not become angry immediately; instead, be grateful that you are the victim instead of being the person who victimizes others.

Gratitude enables you to develop the mindset for a positive outlook toward your soul. Smile more often. Keep complaints about people, things, and life in general only to yourself—unless voicing them will help bring about positive changes in others or in society.

Gratitude helps you see the good in others, letting you give them the benefit of the doubt. Try to remember that all people are created in the image of God. Focus on the individual as a person, rather than on the behavior or belief of that individual, which may not be appealing or pleasing to you.

Always be grateful that you have been given the opportunity to become either a teacher or a student in whatever circumstance you may find yourself in, and turn it into a miracle of life.

An illustration

At the end of 2007, John Kralik, an attorney who owned a law firm, experienced debts and disasters in both his life and career.

One day, after a walk in the mountains, Kralik became enlightened: as his 2008 New Year’s resolution, he decided to write a thank-you note a day for the rest of the year to everyone he knew.

Kralik’s  2008 “gratitude project”  had changed  his life completely. Instead of his feeling of discontent regarding his lack, and his envy of those who had what he did not have, he had learned to be grateful for his law firm, his practice, his friends, and his family, despite the many disasters and drawbacks he had previously experienced. Kralik’s gratitude began to change every aspect of his life. His relationships with his family, his friends, and his staff improved significantly; his law firm avoided bankruptcy, and turned around completely.

Gratitude is something that you get more only by giving it away more. Expression of gratitude generates happiness that overcomes the unhappy feelings of lack.

Are you grateful for what you have, and not getting what you rightly deserve?

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

Eye Palming to Relax the Eye

Eye Palming to Relax the Eye

This unique eye-relaxation exercise uses your healing hands to direct energy to your eyes, as well as to rest your optic nerve and relax your entire nervous system.

Unlike sleep, which is unconscious and passive relaxation, palming is conscious and active relaxation. Therefore, palming is one of the best exercises for eye relaxation.

Practice palming at least for 10 to 30 minutes per session for three or more sessions daily to completely relax your eyes. Even at work, you can palm your eyes for 2 minutes, if possible, to relieve your eyestrain from the computer.

Sit comfortably with your elbows resting on a table in front of you—preferably in a darkened room, such as a bathroom without any window.

Rub your palms together to generate some warmth.

Place your palms over your eyes, without touching them, while resting them on the boney ridge surrounding your eyes with the heels of your hands on your cheekbones. Your eyes should be gently

Relax your mind, and breathe deeply through your nose, not your mouth. The slower your breathing is, the more relaxed your mind becomes.

Feel your abdomen and back expand and contract as you inhale and exhale, respectively.

Visualize complete darkness to relax your mind.

Feel your neck and shoulders expand and contract as your deep and slow breathing continues.

Visualize every part of your body—hands, fingers, toes, knees, and thighs—expand and contract with your inhalation and exhalation.

 

Practice eye palming whenever you feel fatigue in your eyes. It is impossible to palm for too long or for too much; some palm for hours to reap the benefits of both relaxation and meditation. If you feel any resistance to palming, it may probably be due to your subconscious resistance to relaxation. If you become more relaxed, you will see complete blackness. However, it is all right if you do not see complete blackness; just continue with your daily palming exercise.

Remember, we are living in a stressful world, and many of us simply cannot relax, even if we very much would like to. Attesting to the inability to relax, many of us easily and often stare without blinking—and, worse, without being aware of it. As a result, our vision slowly and gradually deteriorates over the years. 

Do not let a day pass by without palming your eyes.

The “8” eye exercise

Do the following “8” eye exercise as often as required to relax your eye muscles as well to increase their flexibility.

Sit comfortably in a relaxed posture.

Consciously breathe in and breathe out through your nose until you attain a natural rhythm.

Imagine the figure “8” in the distance.

Let your eyes trace along the imaginary figure without moving your head.

First, trace it in one direction, and then in the opposite direction.

You can modify the exercise by imagining other alphabets and figures. The objective of this exercise, in addition to promoting relaxation and flexibility, is to train your eyes to consciously shift when focusing on an object in the distance.

The Taoist squeeze-and-open eye exercise

This ancient Chinese exercise developed by Taoist monks thousands of years ago increases blood circulation to the eyes, prevents watery eyes, and alkalizes the eyes to detoxify the liver. It removes eyestrain and soothes eye-muscle tension.

Inhale slowly, while squeezing your eyes tightly for 10 seconds.

Then, slowly exhale your breath, making the sh-h-h-h-h sound, while opening your eyes wide.

Repeat as many times and as often as required to cleanse the eyes and the liver.

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

Living in a Toxic World

Life is a miracle in itself. Being alive is a miracle. Having your breaths is already a miracle. Everything in life is a miracle.

Unfortunately, many of us are too busy even to notice our breaths, not to mention to know who we are and what we are doing. We are forever living in the past or in the future, except in the now. As a result, we don’t see the miracle of life around us. We have eyes that don’t see, and ears that don’t listen; we see only what we want to see, and hear only what we desire to hear. Accordingly, most of us live as if nothing is a miracle, and this perception becomes our reality. In addition, our perverted perception is further distorted by the toxic environment we are living in. We have become the farmer in Aesop’s fable who, out of greed, killed the goose that laid the golden eggs, thinking that it wasn’t a miracle, and thus turning a once-miracle into a no-miracle.

In truth, we are living in a toxic world, very different from that of our ancestors. As a result, our minds, bodies, and souls have become toxic to a greater or lesser extent.

First of all, our minds are toxic. In this age of advanced technology, we are often over-loaded with information and over-stimulated by sights and sounds that are mostly toxic in nature, although we may not be fully aware of it.

A case in point, while growing up, many are facing different challenges and struggles that come in many different forms, such as being too tall or too short, being skinny or overweight; being too rich or too poor, and the list could go on and on. On top of these, many need to belong to or be a part of a group in order to find their true identities, without which they always feel that they are insecure and worthless. Toxins corrupt the mind. Indeed, growing up in a toxic environment is not for the faint of heart.

Stepping into the adult world does not make life any easier. Pursuing a career, finding a love relationship, starting a family—many are, more often than not, filled with hurdles and obstacles in the form of anger, betrayal, bitterness, competitiveness, envy, frustration, and many other toxic emotions and thoughts.

Growing old is even more difficult. Time is running short as well as running out. Adding insults to injuries are frailties and infirmities of the body and the mind, both of which may have become over-toxic by then, and thus devastating the soul.

The reality is that life comes in different stages, and each stage is full of its own challenges and problems that often turn into toxic thoughts in the mind, which create toxic emotions leading to toxic actions and reactions, and they have become toxic memories, haunting the mind, infesting the body, and staining the soul.

A toxic mind is responsible for a toxic body. The human body is connected with the mind in the form of biochemical reactions in the body and nerve impulses in the brain. This invisible and intricate communication is subtly responsible for the alignment or misalignment of the flow of life-giving energy between the body and the mind; hence, if the mind is toxic, the body is also naturally vulnerable to its toxicity. In addition, you are living in a physical environment that in itself is very toxic and polluted; therefore, your susceptibility to body toxins increases by multi-folds. Your toxic body only further poisons your toxic mind.

A toxic mind produces a toxic body, and their toxicity taints the soul, ultimately making the soul become toxic too. A toxic soul is incapable of guiding and directing behaviors, actions, and reactions in their physical forms in the mundane world.

The body, the mind, and the soul work as a system of energy. This state of being, which is the overall feeling of health and wellness of any individual, is dependent on the intricate interconnection between the body, the mind, and the soul. Without that interdependent relationship, you are simply existing, and not living; in other words, you are living as if nothing is a miracle.

The mind always affects the body, which speaks the mind, while the soul illuminates the mind, which connects and communicates with the soul. Therefore, the alignment, misalignment, and realignment of the body, the mind, and the soul for holistic wellness attests to the miracle of life and living.

Remember, the mind is the map, the soul is the compass; without both, the body is going nowhere.

To conclude, wisdom in living is ridding the mind, the body, and the soul of their respective toxins. Rethink your mind, renew your body, and reconnect your soul—realigning the body, mind, and soul is the essence of wisdom in living in this contemporary world. Realignment of your being opens your eyes, enlightens your mind, and awakens your soul, so that you will live your life as if everything is a miracle.

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

ASIF

Control and Out of Control

Control and Out of Control

Letting go is difficult because there is one thing that most of us have overlooked: the wisdom of letting go to let God.

Life is all about living—it comes with some hard work, simple integrity, and, above all, the wisdom in living. If life is all about living—not just about making and spending money—then it is not about regrets and dreams.

Regrets look back at the past; dreams look forward to the future. Unfortunately, both are not within our control. If the value of money is solely based on accumulation of wealth, or the acquisition of material things, then living indeed becomes a labyrinth of regrets and dreams—regrets over the wrong investment decisions in the past, and dreams of the great fortune yet to come in the future.

A life journey is forever paved with many challenges and losses, many of which are beyond human control because they are often sudden and unpredictable.

Physical loss, including loss of vision and mobility, both of which may affect the quality of life with respect to independent living, may make living beyond control.

Material loss may include loss of property from natural disaster, such as flooding, tornado, and wildfire, loss of place and space, such as moving from a house to an apartment or to a nursing home. Downsizing also means the loss or forced disposal of treasured possessions that many are reluctant to let go of.

Memory loss may result in a severe loss of organizational ability and the ability to plan and function, resulting in loss of independence, which is a major setback for the elderly.

Loss of loved ones due to accidents or natural causes are devastating. Spousal loss is often the most devastating in that the oneness in marriage is forever broken, resulting in isolation and loneliness.

Losses that come in many different forms often become sources of unhappiness, but losses are no more than life challenges that are beyond human control.

But living, to many, is about controlling self and others; more specifically, purposely controlling the destiny of self, as well as directly or indirectly controlling the destinies of others around. The truth of the matter is that we are only humans, and we cannot control what is controlled by God. Being finite, with only limited intelligence, we are limited in our capability to control what is beyond human control. God, who is infinite, is in absolute control of everything. Our constant desire to control is displeasing to God—an expression of our lack of trust, and our disobedience.

Humans are always given a choice: continuing to control one’s destiny, or letting go to let God control. 

God has given each one of us a unique life and destiny that only we can complete it.

“Your eyes saw my unformed body;

all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”

(Psalm 139: 16)

However, the completion of that life and destiny in our life journey is according to His way and time, and not according to ours. In other words, it is all about what He wants for us, and not what we want for ourselves.

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

A Better and Happier You in 2019

Happy New Year!

A Better and Happier You in 2019

There is an old Latin axiom: “nemo dat quod non habet” — meaning, one cannot give what one does not have.

If you don’t have the wisdom to know your real self, you won’t have the wisdom to understand others, especially who they are and what they need. In order to understand others to have better human relationships, you must first and foremost have the wisdom attained through asking self-intuitive questions throughout your life.

Then, with mindfulness, you observe with a nonjudgmental mind what is happening to you, as well as around you. Gradually, you will be able to see things as what they really are, and not as what they may seem to you: anything and everything in life follows its own natural cycle, just as the day becomes night, and the night transformed into dawn. With that wisdom, you may become enlightened, which means you begin to know your true self—what you have and what you don’t have, and you were created to be who you are, and not what you wish you were or want to become. Knowing what you have, you can then give it to others. It is the giving, rather than the receiving, that will make you become a better and happier you in 2019.

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau