Teaching Children About Sex

 

TEACHING CHILDREN ABOUT SEX

Sex is “a big deal,” especially in a marriage.

Surprisingly, some couples may have more sexual intimacy after several years of marriage. The explanation is that by then they may have much reduced level of stress: better financial environment; children growing up; less worry about conceiving a child. In short, sex can even get better as years go by in a good and healthy marriage.

However, some couples may also cease their sexual intimacy due to: childbirth; pursuing a career; midlife crisis; an out-of-marriage affair. That, unfortunately, is also the reality.

Living together without love or physical intimacy is “living separate lives”—it may also be due to pornography, which is addictive, pervasive, and destructive to the addicts and their respective relationships.

So, it‘s important for parents to educate their children about sex. But how?

Like building the foundation of a pyramid, teach them about the values of life and living, which are usually dignity, honor, and respect for self and others.

Growing up and getting married isn’t just about self or just two people: it’s about human relations—how you relate to others around you. For example, in a marriage it isn’t just about the relationship between you and your spouse; it also involves your children or stepchildren, the in-laws, and the friends. So, learn to develop good relationships, and teach your children to do likewise as they grow up. 

Relationships are related to emotions, both positive and negative ones. Teach your children to control and manage their emotions and temper tantrums, which will play a pivotal in their subsequent life choices and decisions.

All of the above will define and shape your children’s perceptions and understanding of the meaning and the importance of sexual intimacy when they grow up into adolescents and young adults.

The reality

Remember, just do your best, and let God do the rest. You can teach your children about sexual intimacy, but you just can’t control what they feel and experience in their lives. Controlling only generates resistance and distancing. This applies not only to your children, but also to your spouse. You can share with them what you believe in, but you just can’t make them believe what you believe in. That’s the reality.

Getting Married to Make You Happy?

Stephen Lau

Herbal Healing for Insomnia

Insomnia is a sleep disorder affecting millions of people all over the world.

Sleep is natural to man: we go to bed when we are tired, or when it is bedtime. Unfortunately, many of us have sleep problems: we go to bed, but we cannot fall asleep immediately, and many of us may stay awake for hours; or, worse, some of us rely on sleep medications to put ourselves to sleep.

All sleep medications cannot cure insomnia. They are dangerous toxic chemicals that may further aggravate sleep problems. Stop all sleep medications; instead, use herbal healing for insomnia.

Do not take over-the-counter sleep medications; they do nor provide natural sleep.

But the fact is that many of us are suffering from insomnia or sleep deprivation. According to a Swiss research study, even gold fish, having been deprived of sleep for an extended period of time, would stay still for a protracted period of time to make up for its sleep deprivation. Therefore, natural sleep is natural to all living things, and essential to the overall health and wellness of an individual.

But how do we heal insomnia without toxic pharmaceutical drugs? Use herbal healing for insomnia.

To heal insomnia, first of all, you must understand the kind of insomnia you are suffering from:

If you heave acute insomnia due to shock, fright, or grief, you wake up in the middle of the night with nightmares, accompanied by anxiety and restlessness.

If you generally wake up between 1 am and 3 am with anxious dreams and nightmares, your insomnia may be due to anxiety, or an overactive mind.

If you wake up around 3 or 4 am and cannot go back to sleep again until your usual getting-up time, your insomnia may be due to irritability or overwork.

If you find it difficult to fall asleep and you wake up early feeling groggy and unrefreshed, you may have insomnia due to too much mental stress or heavy workload.

If you wake up at the slightest noise and find it difficult to get back to sleep, often accompanied by vivid nightmares, your insomnia may wake you up in the early hours and make you sleep late.

Sleep problems are only a reflection of the problems inherent in your life. That is, if you are living life to the fullest, you normally do not and should not have sleep problems, which are the byproducts of emotional turmoil and mental anguish. Therefore, you must address all your life problems that are the underlying causes of your insomnia.

Stress is the No. 1 enemy of emotional and mental health. When you are under stress, your body naturally responds to the increased tension by producing hormone epinephrine. Excess production of this hormone may wear out your hormonal glands, leading to elevation of blood sugar, acceleration of breathing rate, increase of muscle tension, and excessive sweating — all contributing to insomnia. In contemporary living, stress may come in many different forms that disturb your good sleep. These stress-inducing problems need to be addressed in order to solve sleep problems.

To illustrate, sexual problems are a cause as well as a reflection of bedroom problems that need to be addressed, not avoided. Avoiding sexual problems will create only more stress that causes insomnia. Family problems, such as confrontations with teenagers, may cause heated arguments and conflicts. Reduce stress at home with the techniques of good parenting. Money problems may also generate financial stress. All in all, everyday life problems have to be taken care of before sleep problems can be resolved.

Meanwhile, as you take care of your emotional and mental problems, also use natural herbs to alleviate your sleep problems. If you experience occasional sleepless nights, use certain roots, flowers, and leaves of plants to cope with sleep problems.

Herbal Pillow

Make your own tiny herbal pillow stuffed with herbs (a tablespoonful of chamomile, hops, lavender, mugwort, and rose). Place your hand-made pillow on top of your pillow, close to your nose so that you can inhale the herbs while you sleep. After a while, you may need to reactivate the herbs inside your tiny pillow. You can do it by sprinkling any odorless grain alcohol on the pillow and let it dry. A herbal pillow can last a year.

Herbal Tea

Drink a cup of chamomile herbal tea before going to bed. Chamomile soothes your stomach. Indigestion is one the causes of insomnia.

To make chamomile tea, use 1 rounded teaspoon of chamomile herb in 1 cup of boiling water. Cover it and let the herb steep for 10 minutes. Pour the tea through a tea strainer and drink immediately.

Insomnia Herbs

There are many natural insomnia herbs. If you have trouble falling asleep at night or if you wake up too early in the morning and cannot fall back to sleep, try Saint-John's-wort. Another natural herb effective in overcoming insomnia is valerian, which is most effective as a tincture. Take 1 teaspoon of tincture 1 hour before bedtime. 

In addition to solving your life problems that are the underlying causes of emotional and mental distress, use natural herbs to heal insomnia to promote holistic health and wellness. Never use sleep medications because they do not work over the long haul.

ALCHEMY OF HERBS

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

Emotions and Happiness

Your mind is the generator of your emotions because it perceives, interprets, generalizes your thoughts, which then become your assumptions that affect how you act or react in the physical world. Your mind affects your body; as a matter of fact, there is a close connection between the body and the mind.     

According to Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), human emotions are the major underlying causes of disease because Chinese physicians believe that certain body organs are related to emotional activities; for example, the heart is related to joy, the liver to anger, the spleen to obsessive thoughts, the lungs to anxiety, and the kidneys to fear. Therefore, excessive emotions disrupt the free flow of qi, the life-giving energy that flows through the body, and thus causing imbalance and disharmony that may lead to disease and disorder.   

In addition, human behaviors—often a byproduct of human emotions—affect the mind, just as emotions of the mind affect the body. According to a study at Ohio State University in 2003, physical behavior, such as enhanced body language of nodding in agreement or shaking head in disagreement, may significantly affect how we think without our knowing it. According to that study, even posture, such as sitting up straight, may be conducive to remembering positive memories or thinking positively, because posture changes the production of human hormones.   

The interconnection between the body and the mind is further evidenced by the indisputable notion that a healthy heart produces a healthy brain by pumping sufficient oxygen and nutrients to nourish the brain through its bloodstream.   

As If Everything Is A Miracle   

This 125-page book is about how to live your life as if everything is a miracle, instead of as if nothing is a miracle. To do just that, you need wisdom to "rethink" your mind, which may not be telling you the whole truth about your thoughts and life experiences; you need wisdom to "renew" your body, which lives in a toxic physical environment; you need spiritual wisdom to "reconnect" your soul, which is the essence of your spirituality. Most importantly, you need wisdom to "realign" your whole being because the body, the mind, and the soul are all interconnected and interdependent on one another for your well-being to live your life as if everything is a miracle. Your mind is the roadmap and your soul is the compass; without them, your body is going nowhere, and you will live your life as if nothing is a miracle.   

With enlightenment, you will become a better, happier, and healthier you. With enlightenment, you will live a stress-fee life. Learn how to overcome your stress by letting go your ego-self. 

Stephen Lau 

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

Drinks to Heal Immune System

Drinks to Heal the Immune System

Burdock and daikon drink

Burdock root has been used as both food and medicine in Asia and Europe for thousands of years. Recently, it has been used as a nourishing tonic for cancer, liver disease, and rheumatism. Burdock root is a staple diet of the Japanese, who are among the people with the longest lifespan in the world.

Fresh burdock root is available at many greengrocers, Asian supermarkets, and natural food stores in the United States.

Daikon is Japanese radish. Its phytochemicals have well-recognized healing and anti-carcinogenic properties:

It cleanses the blood (the kidneys).

It promotes energy circulation.

It increases the metabolic rate (a weight-loss remedy in Asia).

It treats hangovers.

It decongests the lungs, clears sore throat, colds, and edema.

The burdock and daikon drink can be taken any time, and as much as you like.

Ingredients

One burdock root (about 24 inches long)

One daikon with green tops

One small carrot with green tops.

Preparation

Cut all ingredients into small pieces.

Place them in a pot with water double the volume of the ingredients.

Bring to a boil.

Pour out the content, and drink it.

You can repeat the process one more time. This time, after bringing it to a boil, reduce heat, and simmer it for another 20 minutes. Let the ingredients steep in the hot water for another 20 minutes before drinking it.

Four greens drink

Bitter melon, a popular Asian vegetable, is well known for blood glucose control. It contains a substance similar to bovine insulin, which has been shown in experimental studies to achieve a positive sugar regulating effect by suppressing the neural response to sweet taste stimuli.

Celery is a good source of insoluble fiber as well as essential nutrients, including vitamin C, calcium, and potassium. In addition, it may reduce blood pressure, and block cancer cells.

Cucumber has been associated with healing properties in relation to diseases of the kidney, urinary bladder, liver, and pancreas. In addition, cucumber juice is an excellent skin tonic.

Green pepper is loaded with vitamin C (a potent antioxidant) and beta-carotene (to prevent cataracts).

Make the nutritious four greens drink by juicing them in approximately equal portions. Drink immediately.

Pine needles drink

Pine needle drink is a perfect drink made from evergreen pine needles. Select your pine needles by picking the newest green ones from a pine tree. Wash the pine needles thoroughly. Put them in a cloth bag, and steep it in a pot of boiling water—if you don’t use a cloth bag, then strain the needles before drinking. Cover and let it sit for 30 minutes.

Pine needle drink is loaded with vitamin C and other nutrients to offer the following benefits: eyesight; fatigue; heart disease; kidney ailments; sclerosis (inflammatory nerve disorder); and varicose veins.

 Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

The Art of Living Well: No Attachments!

Attachments in Life

We all have attachments in life. Letting go is the readiness and willingness to let go of all attachments in life. The following are some of the most common attachments:

Attachment to the ego-self

Attachment to the ego-self is the most difficult to let go of, given that conventional wisdom focuses so much on “self,” such as the emphasis on the importance of “self-esteem,” that we become not only “self-conscious” but also “self-centered.”

Attachment to material things

The mind identifies with material possessions to create the ego-self. Many of us identify ourselves with a certain social status when we belong to a certain social group or drive a certain luxury car.

Thinking questions

Why am I driving a Mercedes?

Is it really better than a Toyota?

Attachment to time

Many of us think that time is precious, and wish that we had more than 24 hours a day. We no longer have the time to appreciate the beauty of nature, because we have become overwhelmed by our daily problems and the time needed to solve them. Indeed, many of us are forever time-stressed.

Attachment to time means the reluctance to live in the present moment. Unfortunately, the present moment is the only reality in life, and the only moment during which one can objectively validate past thoughts and future projections that continuously filter through the subconscious mind, enticing it to form identities—which become the components of the ego-self.

According to the wisdom of Tao, attachments are the sources of human pain and suffering.

“Fame or self: Which matters more?

Self or wealth: Which is more precious?

Gain or loss: Which is more painful?

He who is attached to things will suffer much.

He who saves will suffer heavy loss.

A contented man is never disappointed.

He who knows when to stop does not find himself in trouble.

He will stay forever safe.”

(Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching, Chapter 44)

Attachments to the material world are the sources of human miseries and unhappiness, because they seldom become realities and they generate only desire and control that ultimately create a vicious circle of miseries and unhappiness.

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

The TAO Wisdom

The TAO is the absolute truth that can withstand time; what was true in the past is also true today. To fathom the TAO, you must begin with your own mind, which controls your thinking process and hence creating your own thoughts of thinking.

The TAO begins with having an empty mind, which is more than just “thinking out of the box”: it is also reverse thinking to create your own box of thinking. An empty mindset originated from Lao Tzu:

“An empty mind with no craving and no expectation helps us let go.

Being in the world and not of the world, we attain heavenly grace.

With heavenly grace, we become pure and selfless.

And everything settles into its own perfect place.”

(Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching, chapter 3) 

Without an empty mind, an individual may think that he or she is already knowledgeable, and therefore lacks the desire to seek more knowledge by asking more questions, and thus ending up being less knowledgeable.

Reverse thinking is turning your mind around: instead of accepting or following what your mind says, you think in the opposite direction by asking self-probing questions of how and why your mind has come to give you that thought of thinking in the first place.

Simplicity is the first step toward detachment, which holds the key to unlocking the door to an empty mind with reverse thinking. Live a simple lifestyle, deleting all the trimmings of life and living that may block and obstruct your thinking mind. Letting go of everything that you may erroneously believe are important to you in your life is reverse thinking.

“Simplicity is clarity.

It is a blessing to learn from those

with humble simplicity.

Those with an empty mind

will learn how to find the Way.

The Way reveals the secrets of the universe:

the mysteries of the realm of creation;

the manifestations of all things created.

The essence of the Way is to show us

how to live in fullness and return to our origin.”

(Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching, chapter 65)

 THE TAO OF LIVING FOR LIFE

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

Healthy Pregnancy

 

All About . . . .

Pregnancy is a nine-month period during which a baby develops and becomes a human being. The mother-to-be and the father-to-be have many dos and don'ts in order to ensure a safe and healthy pregnancy. This book provides not only a list of all the dos and don'ts, but also all the whys and why nots because as a mother you would like to know why there are certain things you should do and why there are things you should not do to guarantee a safe and healthy pregnancy.

This book is concise with a holistic approach to a safe and healthy pregnancy through the mind, the body, and the spirit.

Click here to get your copy.

An Excerpt from the Book . . . .

THE PRE-PREGNANCY

Pregnancy is more than just nine months; it is a lifelong project that requires adequate preparation to ensure better results.
   
The Dos

Do physical checkup first for both you and your partner. (why: to resolve all health issues and problems, e.g. chronic diseases, such as asthma, diabetes, epilepsy, etc.).

Do blood tests to check your immunity to German measles (why: it can cause malformations in the baby) and chicken pox (why: immunization before conception if you have not had it before); to check your antibodies from toxoplasmosis (why: an infection that may affect conception and pregnancy).

Do discuss medical conditions with your doctor: previous pregnancy problems, such as miscarriage, stillbirth, premature baby; genetic disorders in family; current prescribed medications.

Do dental checkup (why: gum diseases may lead to premature birth), and dental work (why: avoiding filling or extraction during pregnancy).

Do weight management (why: overweight may lead to diabetes and high blood pressure during pregnancy; underweight may result in a small baby, problems during labor, and after birth).

Do find out your ideal weight: to determine that, you need to know your height, and weight, as well as your waist size (i.e. your waist circumference between your rib cage and above your belly button). A waistline of 35 inches or more for most women may indicate overweight.

Do find out your Body Mass Index (BMI), which is a measure of your body fat based on your weight and height. Your BMI is determined by this formula: BMI = (body weight in pounds) divided by (body height in inches x body height in inches) multiplied by (703). To illustrate, if you are 5’11” tall and you weigh 165 pounds, your BMI will be: (165/71x71) x 703 = 23   The BMI numbers have the following implications:

Any BMI that falls between 19 and 24.9 is considered ideal and healthy.

Any BMI that is below 18.5 is considered underweight.

Any BMI that ranges from 25 to 29.9 is considered overweight; any BMI that is above 30 is considered obese.

You should be within 15 pounds of your ideal weight before pregnancy, and that also applies to your partner (why: an overweight partner may have decreased testosterone leading to depressed libido).

Do birth control until you are ready for pregnancy. Hormonal contraception may take months for fertility to return to normal. Natural family planning is the way to go.

Do boost nutrients for a healthy pregnancy. Important nutrients include the following:

Calcium (why: avoiding back and leg pain, insomnia, and irritability)-eat figs and raw leeks.

Folic acid (why: avoiding structural defects) -- eat chives. Chives are a nutrient-dense food low in calories but high in nutrients. Always use a sharp knife to cut chives (why: avoid bruising the herb), and add chives to any dish near the end of cooking (why: avoid losing its flavor).

Iron (why: healthy growth of baby) -- eat chives.

Magnesium (why: cellular development; over-coming early pregnancy discomfort, such as constipation) -- eat chives.

Manganese (why: baby’s normal skeletal development) -- eat raw leeks.

Vitamin B6 (why: avoiding nausea and morning sickness; metabolizing proteins, carbohydrates, and fats) -- eat raw leeks.

Vitamin C (why: proper absorption of iron) -- eat fresh fruits and vegetables.

Vitamin K (why: healthy bone growth and proper blood-clot formation) -- eat raw leeks.

All the above nutrients and vitamins are especially important not only for pre-pregnancy but also for the first trimester of pregnancy.

Do get sufficient sleep (why: research has shown that the more sleep you get,  the less time of labor may ensue; getting less than 5 hours of sleep may even increase the chance of having a C-section for delivery. Do set a schedule for your sleeping hours to help your body get on a set schedule of sleep. Do go to bed earlier.

Do take herbs to increase fertility (why: drink clover flower tea and nettle tea to increase female fertility).

Do avoid unpasteurized milk and blue-veined cheeses.

Do cook all your food thoroughly.

Do help your partner to enhance his fertility. According to a Danish study, overweight men have fewer sperms. According to State University of New York, placing laptop computers on laps may decrease sperms (why: due to accumulation of heat). Certain drugs on men’s hair loss, high blood pressure, and ulcers may also affect the quality of sperms. Do increase his intake of folic acid, vitamin C, and zinc to enhance the quality of sperms.
   
The Don’ts

Don’t start a teenage pregnancy (why not: pregnancy between age 15 and 19 may result in many emotional traumas, such as difficulty in keeping up with peers, financial problems, and health and life challenges).

Don’t contact mold (why not: harmful to fetus, leading to birth defects, such as paralysis, developmental problems, and even miscarriage).

Don’t eat bacteria-harboring foods (why not: increasing the chance of developing food-borne infections during preconception stage and in a developing embryo).

Don’t stress out, develop anxiety or depression in pre-pregnancy stage.

Don’t eat raw, such as sushi, raw clams, and oysters.

Don’t eat undercooked meat and eggs (why not: avoiding bacteria growth; do refrigerate food below 40°F/4°C).

Don’t take certain herbs (why not: some herbs, such as echinacea, ginkgo biloba, and Saint-John’s wort may prevent conception).


THE DOS AND DON'TS DURING PREGNANCY