Changing Your Emotions

 Help your marriage by changing your emotions and feelings as well as those of your marriage partner.

Emotions and feelings are two sides of the same coin. They’re closely related to each other, but they’re different in that emotions create biochemical reactions in the body, affecting the physical state, while feelings are more mental associations and reactions to emotions.

Harmony and Disharmony

According to the Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), we all have qi (氣), which is the internal life-giving energy circulating within each of us, giving us internal balance and harmony. Emotions are energy states, which may either contribute to or deplete our own internal life-giving energy, causing harmony or disharmony, and thus leading to positive or negative emotions and feelings.

Diseases and disorders

The truth of the matter is that any “excessive” emotion or feeling may become the underlying cause of many health issues.

Dr. Caroline B. Thomas, M.D., of John Hopkins School of Medicine, discovered that cancer patients often had a prior poor relationship with their parents, attesting to the pivotal role of emotions in the development of cancer.

In another study by Dr. Richard B. Shekelle of the University of Texas School of Medicine, it was found that depression patients were not only more cancer prone but also more likely to die of cancer than the other patients. If emotions play a pivotal role in cancer, by the same token, negative feelings may also adversely affect the symptoms or the prognosis of any human disease. Thoughts and feelings of anger, despair, discontent, frustration, guilt, or resentment are instrumental in depressing the physiological processes, including the human body’s immune response—a formula for promoting the development of an autoimmune disease.

So, an unhappy marriage may negatively affect your mental and physical health.

The seven emotions

According to the Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), there’re seven emotions which are the underlying causes of many internal diseases, and these emotions are: anger, anxiety, fear, fright, joy, sadness, and worry. Because Chinese medicine is all about internal balance and harmony, these seven emotions may even affect different human body organs. For example, excessive anger impairs the liver, causing headaches, while even excessive joy dysfunctions the heart, leading to mania and mental disorders.

Anger

Anger or rage is an ineffective and inefficient way to resolve any issue or to make any problem go away. Anger is a disruptive emotion that may often lead to depression, and worse, the breakup of a marriage or a love relationship, especially if the anger isn’t properly addressed and controlled.

So, how to change your disruptive emotion of anger or rage?

Take a deep diaphragm breath, and just feel your anger as you breathe in.

Look at your anger in your mind. Then review the situation, and ask yourself one simple question: Can your anger change the situation or anything?

Accept that you’re now angry, and then breathe it out. If necessary, use your arm like a sword cutting through your feelings of rage, while saying: “I can see my anger: it is as it was!”

Don’t hold your anger in; instead, let it go, by breathing it out. Don’t let it go as pain; instead, let it go as your acceptance. But your acceptance should be viewed not as a sign of your own weakness but as a statement of your own communication to yourself that getting angry will never solve the problem anyway or right away.

Then, remind yourself that anger is always present to serve a purpose to release some deeper issues, problems, and internal conflicts that you may be carrying in your own bag and baggage all these years. It’s always better to release anger than to turn it around to destroy yourself.

But suppressing your anger is also self-destructive, as the negative energy redirects itself back into your own body. Anger is always a path of destruction. Resolve anger by developing habits that may release internal conflicts in a constructive manner before it can be released as rage.

An illustration

Donna Alexander, the creator of the “Anger Room” in Chicago, first thought of the idea as a teenager living in Chicago. Having witnessed much domestic violence and many conflicts at school as a teenager, Donna Alexander finally decided to create a space where anyone can lash out without serious consequences. While at the “Anger Room,” the guests, after paying a fee, are given a safe space to unleash their anger and rage by smashing and destroying objects, such as glasses or even a TV. In addition, the room can also be set up to look like an office or a kitchen, where anger often becomes totally uncontrollable.

Angry No More: A new book on how to control and eradicate your anger.

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

Death and Emptiness

 

Death and Emptiness

Death empties anything and everything—that is, the ego and all its attachments to the material world. Emptiness is nothingness in which everything becomes nothing.

For all human efforts, death will come in the end, and this is the way of all flesh.

An illustration

Ernest Hemingway’s famous novel A Farewell to Arms may show you one perspective of death and emptiness:

“Once in camp I put a log on top of the fire and it was full of ants. As it commenced to burn, the ants swarmed out and went first toward the center where the fire was; then turned back and ran toward the end. When there were enough on the end they fell off into the fire. Some got out, their bodies burnt and flattened, and went off not knowing where they were going. But most of them went toward the fire and then back toward the end and swarmed on the cool end and finally fell off into the fire. I remember thinking at the time that it was the end of the world and a splendid chance to be a messiah and lift the log off the fire and throw it out where the ants could get off onto the ground. But I did not do anything but threw a tin cup of water on the log, so that I would have the cup empty to put whiskey in before I added water to it. I think the cup of water on the burning log only steamed the ants.”

The hero in the story was observing how the ants were swarming back and forth on a log on top of a fire in a futile attempt at survival—just like God watching over mankind’s stubborn struggle to refuse letting go of the impermanent in the material world. Instead of acting as a messiah to help the ants, the hero simply emptied a tin cup of water so that he could have his own whiskey.

The hero’s attitude to death is also a reflection of the author’s own perspective of man’s ultimate fate: death happens no matter how hard one strives to avoid it, and anything and everything then simply become nothing.

Sadly and tragically, author Ernest Hemingway—essentially an atheist, although initially a Catholic—shot himself with a gun when he realized that anything and everything in his life were really nothing after all in spite of all his accomplishments. With his perspective of nothingness, he had lost hope of human existence, including his own. 

Another illustration

Francis of Assisi, the Italian Saint who chose a life of poverty in spite of his family’s wealth, said on his deathbed: “Death will open the door of life.”  He died gracefully, while singing.

To Francis, death or emptiness is everything. Maybe for a believer, death is, indeed, a triumph, a meaningful exodus from this mundane world to the eternal world beyond. The emptiness is just a rite of passage to everything.

Revelation

For a non-believer, life may have little meaning at all, when the end is near, because everything will become nothingness when death strikes in the end. Without God, Hemmingway viewed life as everything is nothing, despite all his fame and accomplishments, and he thus killed himself.

For a believer, the nothingness brought by death may then become everything in the life to come, and that explains why Francis of Assisi was singing on his deathbed.

So, there're only two options. If you're a believer, you could sing with joy while lying on your deathbed, just like St. Francis of Assisi. If you are an unbeliever, you would just pass away and become nothingness, just like Ernest Hemingway.

So, now that the end is near it may also be the right time to be spiritual, and to become a true believer. But how to become a believer?

Angry No More: A new book on how to control and eradicate your anger.

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

 

The Meaning of "Prayers Not Answered"

The Meaning of “Prayers Not Answered”

Prayers not answered” simply means “expectations not fulfilled.”

But what’re your “expectations”? And where do they come from?

You experience your own life experiences through your five senses (seeing, hearing, tasting, touching and smelling) as a result of the choices of your actions, inactions, and reactions in your everyday life.

Your sensations often become your own perceptions, which then form your own assumptions and predictions; for example, a good education will lead to a successful career, and bring about a happy relationship.

All your “expectations” are only the personal and the subjective perceptions of your mind. But your “expectations” are often unreal and even self-delusive.

Even what you think you see with your own eyes may not necessarily be the reality.

To illustrate, in 1997, Richard Alexander from Indiana was convicted as a serial rapist, because one of the victims and her fiancé insisted that he was the perpetrator based on what the victim and her fiancé claimed that “they saw with their own eyes.”

But the convicted man was later exonerated and subsequently released in 2001, based on the new DNA science and other forensic evidence. Experts explained that a traumatic emotional experience, such as a rape, could “distort” the perception of an individual. That explains why the woman and her fiancé “swore” that Richard Alexander was the rapist, but evidently he wasn’t.

To illustrate “unreal expectations”: Helen Keller, celebrated author, political activist, and philanthropist, was the first deaf-blind person to earn a Bachelor of Arts degree; she became deaf and blind at an early age of less than two.

Imagine you were Helen’s parents: would you have “darkened expectations” of the future of Helen when she suddenly became deaf and blind?

Another illustration of “unreal expectations”: Shon Robert Hopwood, a young American convicted of bank robbery and sentenced to prison, became well-known as a jailhouse lawyer. While serving time in prison, Shon started spending time in the law library, became a jailhouse lawyer for the inmates, and ultimately a very accomplished United States Supreme Court practitioner by the time he left prison in 2009. Currently, he is professor of law at Georgetown University Law Center.

If you were the parents of Shon, would your own expectations of your son have fallen short after his conviction of 12 years of imprisonment?

The truth of the matter

Your perceptions—whether true or untrue—become your realities, and are then stored in your subconscious mind as your memories.

Whenever you want to make a choice or decision, it’s your subconscious mind that provides your conscious mind with your many attitudes, beliefs, and predictions—all based on your memories of your past experiences. Your thinking mind then begins to process and project them into the future as your “expectations to be fulfilled.”

Points to Remember

Perceptions may easily become distorted and unreal. So, don’t let your own perceptions become your assumptive predictions.

Expectations are in the future, and their timeline is indefinite. So, don’t jump to any conclusion yet.

The past was gone; the future is yet to come; only the present is real. So, don’t use the past to predict the future as “expectations to be fulfilled.”

Click here to get Why Prayers Are Seldom Answered.

Stephen Lau

Copyright © Stephen Lau

Healthier and Younger

 

YOUNGER AND HEALTHIER FOR LONGER

All About . . . .

Today, the mass media have bombarded the public with tons of information about health and wellness, so much so that it may become even stressful and confusing to some individuals.

One of the objectives of this book is to present relevant information in a readable and easy-to-follow format. You need not read the entire book, though it is recommended that you do. This book is organized in such a way that you can scan the detailed contents page with appropriate headings to find the information you need to deal with your own specific life problems and health issues.

This book is comprehensive in that it covers virtually all aspects of a healthy body, mind, soul—the requisites for becoming younger and healthier for longer.

Life is a myriad of complex problems, which are often inter-related. This book provides you with different choices of solutions. Instead of getting old gracefully, why not mature healthily and youthfully?
The ominous reminders of old age and mortality are your more frequent visits to doctors, the wrinkles on your face, and the change of shape and structure of your physique, among others. Overcoming these ravages of aging is what this book is all about.

This book (more than 200 pages) has a holistic approach to anti-aging; it is a handbook for both men and women in the art of living well in different phases of life through a healthy body, mind, and soul.

This book looks at the reasons why prayers are seldom answered; not from the perspectives of Biblical or spiritual wisdom, but from the perspectives of human wisdom, more specifically, from the TAO wisdom, which is the profound wisdom of the ancient sage Lao Tzu from China more than 2,600 years ago.

Irrespective of whether you pray or not, understanding why prayers are seldom answered may provide a blueprint for your daily life and living in a toxic world so that you may survive and live as if everything is a miracle.

The above is what this book is all about. Click here to get your copy from AMAZON.

The  Outline of the Book . . . .

Foreword
Chapter One: AGING
(1) THE AGING PROCESS
The hard facts of aging
(2) THE DIFFERENT THEORIES OF AGING
The free radical theory of aging
The genetic theory of aging
The hormone theory of aging
The immunity theory of aging
The rate of living theory of aging
(3) ACCELERATED AGING SYNDROME
Potentials for accelerated aging
Factors contributing to accelerated aging
Chapter Two: LOOKING FOREVER YOUNGER
(1) A YOUTHFUL LOOK
Your skin is your youthful look
(2) HOW SKIN AGING BEGINS
Intrinsic aging
Extrinsic aging
(3) THE FACE AGING PROCESS
The twenties
The late twenties
The thirties
The forties
The fifties
The sixties
(4) SAVING THE FACE
Botox
Collagen injections
Fat injections
Restylane
(5) HOW TO SAVE YOUR SKIN
Antioxidants to save your skin
Protection from the sun to save your skin
Washing and massaging to save your face
(6) BODY IMAGE
Body weight
Weight training to stay younger for longer
Chapter Three: AGING ACCELERATORS
(1)THE RAVAGES OF FREE RADICALS
What are free radicals?
The sources of free radicals
Fighting free radicals
(2) DISEASE AGES
Balanced acid and alkaline levels
(3) PAIN AGES
Pain as an agent of aging
Pain reactions and responses
Dealing with pain
Arthritis pain
Back pain
Cancer pain
Headaches
(4) STRESS AGES
What is stress?
How stress can age you
Signs and symptoms of stress
Causes of stress
Perceptions of stress
Practical measures to manage stress
Relaxation techniques
Chapter Four: AGGRESSIVE AGE ERASERS
(1) THE IMMUNE SYSTEM
Your cellular health
How your cells may become damaged
The damages by free radicals
Boosting your immunity
Protecting the immune system
Removing toxins
Balancing the immune system
(2) YOU ARE YOUR OWN WORST ENEMY
Health awareness
Health decision
Chapter Five: HEALTHIER FOR LONGER
(1) YOUNGER AT HEART
Heart health according to body shape
Enhancing and maintaining heart health
Medical procedures to treat heart disease
A younger and healthier heart-the Oriental way
(2) BREATHING RIGHT
Enemies of the respiratory system
Breathe right for healthier lungs
(3) A HEALTHIER FOR LIVING LONGER
The importance of the liver
Liver dysfunction
Presence of Gallstones
Alcoholic liver disease
Enhancing liver health
(4) A CLEANER DIGESTIVE SYSTEM FOR LIVING LONGER
The digestion process
Incomplete digestion
Efficient digestion
Efficient elimination
Disorders and diseases of the digestive system
Colon cleansing
(5) MORE FUNCTIONAL KIDNEYS FOR OPTIMUM URINARY HEALTH
Dysfunctional kidneys
Symptoms of dysfunctional kidneys
Kidney Cleansing
(6) HEALTHIER FOR LONGER WITH A HEALTHIER BRAIN
Health factors optimizing brain health
Brain activities to retard aging
Social activities to stimulate brain vitality
Physical activities to help mental activity
Chapter Six: YOUNGER FOR LONGER
(1) ATTITUDES
Humor
Confidence
Creativity and imagination
Health prospects
(2) MENTAL HEALTH
The important minerals
Omega 3 fatty acids
Food allergies and toxins
Antioxidant vitamins
Changing mental perceptions
Changing the thinking mind
The don’ts about depression
(3) SPIRITUALITY
Ways to become more spiritual
(4) SEXUAL FULFILLMENT AND LOVE RELATIONSHIPS
Sexual fulfillment
Love relationships
Marriage
(5) LIFESTYLE CHANGES
Positive facts about aging
More than a life of leisure
Volunteer work
Self-improvement
Self-expression
Making the best and the most
Exercise
Relaxation and Sleep
Dealing with life problems
Chapter Seven: EATING FOR YOUNGER AND HEALTHIER
(1) THE BASICS OF HEALTHY EATING
(2) FOODS MAKING YOU YOUNGER FOR LONGER
Chlorella
Wheat grass
(3) FOODS MAKING YOU HEALTHIER FOR LONGER
Apples
Brown rice
Garlic
Sea vegetables
Sweet potatoes and yams
(4) DRINKS MAKING YOU YOUNGER AND HEALTHIER FOR LONGER
Burdock and daikon drink
Four greens drink
Pine needles drink
(5) EATING FOR THE BALANCE AND HARMONY
The yin and yang concept
The Five Elements
Chapter Eight: WHAT EVERY MAN NEEDS TO KNOW AND DO
(1) SUCCESS
In pursuit of success
Preparing for success
Success and self-esteem
Building self-esteem
(2) MAJOR DESTROYERS OF YOUTH AND HEALTH
Smoking
Excessive drinking
Worshipping the sun
(3) LOVE RELATIONSHIPS
How a man is assessed
Understanding a woman’s emotional needs
Marriage
Ending a relationship
(4) SEX
The Importance of male sexual health
Testosterone and your sexual health
Are you in good sexual health?
Male erectile dysfunction
Herbs and nutritional supplements for men’s better sexual health
Male low libido
Prostate problems
Post-marital sexual desire
(5) MEN’S BODY IMAGE
Body shape image
Facial image
Hair image
(6) MEN’S MAJOR HEALTH ISSUES
Bladder tumors
Colorectal cancer
Diabetes
Heart disease
Kidney stones
Lung cancer
Osteoporosis
Prostate problems
(7) HERBS FOR MEN
Herbs for sexual health
Herb for mental stress
Herbs for general wellness
Herb for a healthy heart
Herb for energy and strength
Herb for weight control
(8) PREVENTIVE SCREENING
Chapter Nine: WHAT EVERY WOMAN NEEDS TO KNOW AND DO
(1) BE A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN
The three commandments for a beautiful face
Facial regimens for a beautiful face
Cellulite
Double chin
Varicose veins
(2) BE A SUCCESSFUL WOMAN
Sexual harassment
(3) LOVE RELATIONSHIPS
Seeking a love relationship
No great expectations
Self-Esteem in a love relationship
Making yourself appealing to men
The right man for the right relationship
A failing relationship
Making a good love relationship better
(4) A STABLE MARRIAGE
Health benefits
What a marriage entails
Marriage and basic human needs
Foundation of a happy and good marriage
Dealing with marital conflicts
Divorce
(5) SEX FOR A WOMAN
Sexual receptivity
Sexual dysfunctional problems
Sexual fantasies
Affair-proof your marriage
(6) HEALTH PROBLEMS
Disease advantage
Healthier and younger for longer
Herbal cures
Bladder problems
Breast cancer
Hysterectomy
Menopause
Osteoporosis
CHAPTER TEN: RECAPS AND HIGHLIGHTS
THE MENTAL
THE PHYSICAL
THE INTELLECTUAL
THE EMOTIONAL
THE SPIRITUAL


YOUNGER AND HEALTHIER FOR LONGER

Is Natural Healing A Myth?

Is natural healing a myth or a reality? It’s all up to you to decide.

Natural healing is holistic healing. It is a process by which a person’s health is restored in the most natural way without the use of conventional medicine throughout the healing process. The human body is blessed with divine gifts in the form of natural resources that enable not only the enhancement of health but also the freedom from any type of illness.

Natural healing is effective because it uses the power of the mind through affirmation and visualization, meditation, the goodness of nature through natural herbs and healthful foods, and the energy of your body through hand massage, yoga, and acupuncture to bring about healing of the body, the mind, and the soul. In order to prevent any future relapse and to guarantee long-term cure, the healing has to be complete and wholesome. In addition, in natural healing, there is no need to take any form of chemicals or to undergo any invasive procedure, which may not only produce negative side effects but also interrupt with the natural healing process.

Natural healing has long proven to be a very good alternative to the traditional way of healing practiced by medical doctors. As a matter of fact, many natural healing clinics have sprung up across the United States. People are using natural healing techniques more than anything else mainly because they are highly effective with minimal or zero side effects, and they are less expensive than treatments of conventional medicine.

Be a natural healer of your own disease.

First of all, you must know the difference between healing and treatment: treatment originates from the outside, whereas healing comes from within; treatment aims at removing symptoms of disease, while healing tackles the source of disease.

Next, natural healing begins with the mind first. Your mind controls your body, and everything you do and think. Therefore, to heal, your mind must express the intention to heal, without which there is no cure or healing. Your intention to heal is then manifested in focus, which directs your mind towards the goal to heal. To reach that goal, you need resources; that is, you must empower yourself with knowledge so that you may know how to heal yourself. Knowledge is power: it may establish a connection to your true self, and thereby instrumental in allowing you to make the right health decisions and to live your life in a lifestyle in accordance with your higher purpose. Through the many facets of mind power, such as affirmation, visualization, and meditation, your mind begins its healing process. Healing begins with the mind, and mind healing is always mind over matter. Natural healing is always slow: it does not happen overnight. You need to set your goals, and make your commitment, which is your mental responsibility. Living is a challenge, and so is healing. During the healing process you may have to face different challenges before you can overcome the illness.

Natural healing is a miracle by itself. Bu you have to believe in it first, then empower your mind with knowledge to prepare your body for the natural healing process. With the help of your soul, you can initiate natural healing as if everything is a miracle. 

NATURAL HEALING WITH WHOLE FOODS

HEALING FROM WITHIN

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

Bedroom "Feng Shui"

Bedroom Feng Shui

Use Chinese feng shui to promote good sleep. Feng shui is based on the principle of harmonizing the invisible but powerful life energy “qi” that not only courses through the human body but also flows throughout the environment.

Literally, feng shui means “wind-water.” Feng shui has been practiced in China for several millennia. Originally, it was used to find the most auspicious burial sides for the dead. For centuries, it has been used to balance the yin (the female) and the yang (the male) in order to create the balance and harmony for health and wellness. Theoretically, anything that interrupts with the free flow of “qi” is considered bad for feng shui. In the same manner, bedroom feng shui plays a pivotal part in promoting natural sleep.

According to the principles of feng shui, the ideal bedroom should have a regular shape (a square or a rectangle), not oblong or circular. The reason is that any irregular shape will interfere with the free flow of life energy. By the same token, too much furniture is not ominous for good feng shui. A computer or any outdoor coats hanging on the back of the bedroom may create irrelevance instead of harmony to the bedroom environment, and thus obstructing “qi.”

Basically, spaced-clearing is critical to good bedroom feng shui.

Look around your bedroom to see if there are objects that do not belong to a bedroom.

Avoid placing a mirrors on the wall, especially not directly opposite the bed, because it will reflect life energy back at you while you sleep.

Make sure your bed is raised above the floor so that there is no interruption of the flow of life energy. Do not place your bed between doors, or between the window and the door.

If the bedroom has two entrances (such as a suite), place a screen between them.

The sun is not ideal for a sleeping surface. Make sure that your bed is not exposed to direct sunlight.

Stephen Lau

Copyright© 2018 by Stephen Lau

Do You Have A Bad Memory?

If you think you cannot remember dates of appointments, special events and occasions, such as birthdays, where you have put your keys, the names of people you have just been introduced to, you may think you have a bad memory, or, worse, the symptoms of Alzheimer's disease. Nothing could be further from the truth.

In truth, you may "think" you have a bad memory; it is just your mental perception. Epictetus, the famous Greek philosopher once said: "People are disturbed not by things, but by the view which they take of them." In other words, it is just your perception of your bad memory that is bothering you.

Why do you hold this belief? It is because you are comparing the conditions of your present memory with those in the past. Has your memory really gone from bad to worse? Can it be just your subjective perception rather than a factual or scientific validation of your memory decline? More importantly, you have added more years to your life, and therefore you have more data stored in your memory, and that may explain some of your problems in retrieving the extra information stored.

Believing you have bad memory will not help your memory loss. Quite the contrary, such a belief may only add insult to injury by creating undue stress that inhibits good memory.

The process of your memory involves encoding, which is turning information you wish to remember into some sort of a code to be stored in your brain for future retrieval, Bad memory is your inability to retrieve at will the information stored in your brain. Your inability to retrieve the information is often due to your anxiety. In other words, the more you are anxious about your bad memory, the more difficult it is for you to retrieve the desired information.

The bottom line: don't even think you have a bad memory; relax your mind through diaphragm breathing and meditation to increase your mind power; most importantly, learn the techniques to improve your memory.

UNLIMITED MEMORY

Stephen Lau 

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

God and Your Marriage

 

ACCOUNTABILITY IN MARRIAGE TO GOD

Lack of accountability to God for what you’ve been doing to your marriage and your marriage partner is one of the reasons why divorce is rampant these days.

You’re living in a world in which injustice and vengeance are rampant. Living in the midst of this storm of unfairness may cause you unhappiness and even your own lack of faith in God.

But seeing the lack of accountability in others should, on the contrary, enhance your own accountability not only in your marriage but also in your everyday living. God is forever just and will bring judgment and justice to all—at His own timeline.

An illustration

In 1984, Archbishop Valerian Trifa was deported from the United States after being accused of being a Nazi supporter, who not only had incited attacks on Jews, but also was responsible for executing many Jews in World War II.

After World War II, the former Nazi supporter came to the United States as a refugee immigrant. He assumed the name of Valerian Trifa, and he was ordained as a priest of the Rumanian church soon after his arrival in the United States. He rose quickly to the rank of bishop and then archbishop, who lived in comfort in a 25-room farmhouse on a 200-acre estate maintained by his church.

Then, a dentist, who was a Nazi survivor, recognized the Archbishop as the Nazi supporter. The case against the Archbishop was reported in the media, and then pursued for more than a decade long by some survivors of the Nazi, Jewish organizations, journalists, as well as by the Justice Department of the United States. Their joint efforts helped focus public attention on those Nazi war criminals who were living in the United States.

At first, the Archbishop vehemently denied his former identity, despite some handwriting experts had confirmed that his handwriting was identical with that in some of the execution orders he had carried out while he was a Nazi supporter. As luck would have it, with the advancement of forensic science, some experts could incredibly still retrieve some DNA from those execution orders with the Archbishop’s own saliva on them. That was his undoing, and his final judgment.

In 1982, the Archbishop was ultimately ordered to leave the United States. But he had spent two years trying to find a country that would give him refuge. In 1984, Portugal admitted him, and he finally settled in Estoril, where he died at the age of 72 of a heart attack.

So, believe that God is merciful, but also a just God, who’ll judge injustice and any wrongdoing according to His own timeframe.

So, living in the presence of God is showing your accountability to every aspect of your married life. So, be faithful to your marriage partner to receive the blessings of God in your marriage.

Getting Married to Make You Happy?

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

Letting Go Attachments

The Origin of Human Attachments

All attachments originate from the ego-self.

What is an ego? Do we all have an ego-self?

An ego is an identity of any individual. Yes, we all have an ego-self, with no exception.

As soon as a baby begins his or her perceptions through the five senses, that baby begins to develop an identity, such as “this toy is mine” and “I want this.” Well, there is nothing wrong with that initial identification. However, as time passes by, the human ego may continue to expand and inflate to the extent that it may become problematic with all its attachments.

What is the ego-self?

Simply look at yourself in front of a mirror. What do you see?

A self-reflection. Is it for real? Can you actually touch it? Not really; it is only a reflection of someone real—the real you in front of the mirror!

Now, do something totally different. Place a baby—if there is one immediately available—in front of the mirror. See what happens. The baby might crawl toward the baby in the mirror. Why? It is because the baby in front of the mirror might think that the baby in the mirror is another baby, and just not his or her own reflection.

Likewise, the ego-self may look real, but it is not real. To think otherwise is self-deception.

How is the ego-self formed?

Descartes, the great French philosopher, made his very famous statement: “I think, therefore I am.” Accordingly, you think and you then become what you think you are—the byproducts of all your thoughts and your own thinking.

Unfortunately, Descartes’ famous statement is only partially true: it is true that you identify yourself with all your thoughts projected into your thinking mind; but it is not true that your identities thus created by your thoughts and your own thinking truly reflect your true self. The fact of the matter is that you are not your thoughts, and your thoughts are not you. To think otherwise is a human flaw, which is no more than self-delusion or self-illusion. In other words, you are not what and who you think you really are.

Gradually, all your life experiences with their own respective messages—the pleasant as well as the unpleasant, the positive as well as the negative—are all stored at the back of your subconscious mind in the form of your assumptions, attitudes, causal concepts, and memories.

Accumulated over the years, millions and billions of such experiences and messages have become the raw materials with which you subconsciously weave the fabrics of your life, making you who and what you have now become—or so you think. In other words, they have now become your “realities” or your ego-self with its many attachments to make you believe you are what you think or wish you were.

Likewise, a baby originally does not have the ego-self (at least, not yet), and thus sees the reflected image in the mirror as another baby. But you, on the other hand, with your own ego-self, see the reflected image in the mirror as the same you, and not a different person. So, your ego-self is simply a reflection of you; what you see in the mirror is not real, just a reflection. But the problem is: you think it is the real you, and your false identity may lead to an identity crisis.

Learn how to let go of your attachments to the material world that define who you think you are, and these attachments may include your attachments to money and wealth, career and success, among others.

Stephen Lnd au

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

Teaching Children About Sex

 

TEACHING CHILDREN ABOUT SEX

Sex is “a big deal,” especially in a marriage.

Surprisingly, some couples may have more sexual intimacy after several years of marriage. The explanation is that by then they may have much reduced level of stress: better financial environment; children growing up; less worry about conceiving a child. In short, sex can even get better as years go by in a good and healthy marriage.

However, some couples may also cease their sexual intimacy due to: childbirth; pursuing a career; midlife crisis; an out-of-marriage affair. That, unfortunately, is also the reality.

Living together without love or physical intimacy is “living separate lives”—it may also be due to pornography, which is addictive, pervasive, and destructive to the addicts and their respective relationships.

So, it‘s important for parents to educate their children about sex. But how?

Like building the foundation of a pyramid, teach them about the values of life and living, which are usually dignity, honor, and respect for self and others.

Growing up and getting married isn’t just about self or just two people: it’s about human relations—how you relate to others around you. For example, in a marriage it isn’t just about the relationship between you and your spouse; it also involves your children or stepchildren, the in-laws, and the friends. So, learn to develop good relationships, and teach your children to do likewise as they grow up. 

Relationships are related to emotions, both positive and negative ones. Teach your children to control and manage their emotions and temper tantrums, which will play a pivotal in their subsequent life choices and decisions.

All of the above will define and shape your children’s perceptions and understanding of the meaning and the importance of sexual intimacy when they grow up into adolescents and young adults.

The reality

Remember, just do your best, and let God do the rest. You can teach your children about sexual intimacy, but you just can’t control what they feel and experience in their lives. Controlling only generates resistance and distancing. This applies not only to your children, but also to your spouse. You can share with them what you believe in, but you just can’t make them believe what you believe in. That’s the reality.

Getting Married to Make You Happy?

Stephen Lau

Herbal Healing for Insomnia

Insomnia is a sleep disorder affecting millions of people all over the world.

Sleep is natural to man: we go to bed when we are tired, or when it is bedtime. Unfortunately, many of us have sleep problems: we go to bed, but we cannot fall asleep immediately, and many of us may stay awake for hours; or, worse, some of us rely on sleep medications to put ourselves to sleep.

All sleep medications cannot cure insomnia. They are dangerous toxic chemicals that may further aggravate sleep problems. Stop all sleep medications; instead, use herbal healing for insomnia.

Do not take over-the-counter sleep medications; they do nor provide natural sleep.

But the fact is that many of us are suffering from insomnia or sleep deprivation. According to a Swiss research study, even gold fish, having been deprived of sleep for an extended period of time, would stay still for a protracted period of time to make up for its sleep deprivation. Therefore, natural sleep is natural to all living things, and essential to the overall health and wellness of an individual.

But how do we heal insomnia without toxic pharmaceutical drugs? Use herbal healing for insomnia.

To heal insomnia, first of all, you must understand the kind of insomnia you are suffering from:

If you heave acute insomnia due to shock, fright, or grief, you wake up in the middle of the night with nightmares, accompanied by anxiety and restlessness.

If you generally wake up between 1 am and 3 am with anxious dreams and nightmares, your insomnia may be due to anxiety, or an overactive mind.

If you wake up around 3 or 4 am and cannot go back to sleep again until your usual getting-up time, your insomnia may be due to irritability or overwork.

If you find it difficult to fall asleep and you wake up early feeling groggy and unrefreshed, you may have insomnia due to too much mental stress or heavy workload.

If you wake up at the slightest noise and find it difficult to get back to sleep, often accompanied by vivid nightmares, your insomnia may wake you up in the early hours and make you sleep late.

Sleep problems are only a reflection of the problems inherent in your life. That is, if you are living life to the fullest, you normally do not and should not have sleep problems, which are the byproducts of emotional turmoil and mental anguish. Therefore, you must address all your life problems that are the underlying causes of your insomnia.

Stress is the No. 1 enemy of emotional and mental health. When you are under stress, your body naturally responds to the increased tension by producing hormone epinephrine. Excess production of this hormone may wear out your hormonal glands, leading to elevation of blood sugar, acceleration of breathing rate, increase of muscle tension, and excessive sweating — all contributing to insomnia. In contemporary living, stress may come in many different forms that disturb your good sleep. These stress-inducing problems need to be addressed in order to solve sleep problems.

To illustrate, sexual problems are a cause as well as a reflection of bedroom problems that need to be addressed, not avoided. Avoiding sexual problems will create only more stress that causes insomnia. Family problems, such as confrontations with teenagers, may cause heated arguments and conflicts. Reduce stress at home with the techniques of good parenting. Money problems may also generate financial stress. All in all, everyday life problems have to be taken care of before sleep problems can be resolved.

Meanwhile, as you take care of your emotional and mental problems, also use natural herbs to alleviate your sleep problems. If you experience occasional sleepless nights, use certain roots, flowers, and leaves of plants to cope with sleep problems.

Herbal Pillow

Make your own tiny herbal pillow stuffed with herbs (a tablespoonful of chamomile, hops, lavender, mugwort, and rose). Place your hand-made pillow on top of your pillow, close to your nose so that you can inhale the herbs while you sleep. After a while, you may need to reactivate the herbs inside your tiny pillow. You can do it by sprinkling any odorless grain alcohol on the pillow and let it dry. A herbal pillow can last a year.

Herbal Tea

Drink a cup of chamomile herbal tea before going to bed. Chamomile soothes your stomach. Indigestion is one the causes of insomnia.

To make chamomile tea, use 1 rounded teaspoon of chamomile herb in 1 cup of boiling water. Cover it and let the herb steep for 10 minutes. Pour the tea through a tea strainer and drink immediately.

Insomnia Herbs

There are many natural insomnia herbs. If you have trouble falling asleep at night or if you wake up too early in the morning and cannot fall back to sleep, try Saint-John's-wort. Another natural herb effective in overcoming insomnia is valerian, which is most effective as a tincture. Take 1 teaspoon of tincture 1 hour before bedtime. 

In addition to solving your life problems that are the underlying causes of emotional and mental distress, use natural herbs to heal insomnia to promote holistic health and wellness. Never use sleep medications because they do not work over the long haul.

ALCHEMY OF HERBS

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau